I have been taking caffeine more often than I used to.
Because I don't want to close my eyes and see these
nightmares. But did you know, that nightmares which you see once you sleep, can come alive when you don't see them anymore?
You don't visit them for days, and they come visit you. That's what my nightmare did.
Sipping coffee didn't help, because I got trapped between a point where it's almost impossible to differentiate between delusions and reality.
They say walls have ears.If that's true, then these four walls have heard my rants more than anyone. And these inanimate objects have seen my tears more than anyone.They have seen the pathetic me.
Nights and diaries know the part of me which I have kept hidden.
Overthinking is like a drug, a habit.And I got addicted to it the minute I saw you with her. And I know promises break. Forever breaks. Happily ever afters break.
I didn't believe in any of it, you made me believe in them. I never asked you for promises, because heartbreaks are sometimes inevitable. Mostly inevitable.
All I asked from you is to tell me when you are falling out of love.
You came home, and yet you never saw my swollen eyes. But today, when you came back home, I felt you came with this melancholic taste of numbness. I could feel it in the aura that surrounded you. You looked deep into my eyes and you made a confession.
It is hard to forgive someone, you, because I have spent nights, surrounded by my own nightmares, thinking what's wrong with me. Because every night I slept, all I saw was you and her, happy, smiling.
But today when you came back, I feel like I found someone I lost a long time back. After all the crying you found your way back to me. After all those nights, you realized.
Confessions.They say confessing is the hardest thing a person can do. And it's right.
But after the confession, does it make things easier? Does it make mistakes forgivable?
After all, confession is a mix of regrets, realization and remorse.
For me, it did. It shouldn't have but it did make sense, make things easier. It gave me this unexplainable clarity.
Because I know you are trying to make things right when it is at the peak of falling apart completely. And I have always heard my mum say that life is all about second chances. A second chance at this love won't hurt, would it?
So, I lay beside you, and for the first time, tears don,t flow anymore.And rants have stopped.
Because even though what you did was bad, worse even, in fact. But the regret in your eyes, somewhere made it easier for me to forgive you.
And yes, the fear of you breaking my trust again does exist. But each night when I see you beside me, they rest themselves.
I might be a fool. But I know second chances have the possibility of working. After all, if you break my heart twice, I'll get clarity.Though it will hurt ,but I know I will not regret leaving you, thinking that maybe I could have given it a second chance. Because if you do it the second time you've lost that chance.
Till that case, I'll let my fears rest peacefully somewhere.
